Whenever clients in SELFmade Success System feel resistant, they usually do not call it resistant. You may notice in your own coaching and healing business that this is not a term many will use. When clients often describe the work they are struggling to complete, they will talk about insufficient time, unexpected life situations, or unsure how to do the work.

Clients will provide stories, evidence, and a list of reasons why they are not implementing. You may even relate to the stories they tell.

If attaining your goals seems more complicated than it should be? If you have ever felt challenged to achieve your desires, you may be constructing false obstacles to your objectives. 

To move your clients beyond their limitations and procrastination, you have to be a living example of the work.

When you give in to your self-proclaimed limitations and procrastination, you give all your power and attention to these imaginary ideas. In truth, this is simply a delay tactic.

So how would you know if you were constructing false obstacles and giving away your power to them? Here are some ways this habit tends to manifest itself.

Relationships 

Perhaps you want someone to laugh with, to love, or to marry. But instead of focusing on that goal, you decide all these other things must be done first. 

For example, maybe you want to get into better shape before meeting someone or lose another 20 lbs. Or perhaps you need to get your finances in order and save a little money. Maybe you "need" a better job before settling into that perfect relationship. 

I'm sure you know what I mean - you are telling yourself you have to have an accomplished list of what you can bring to the table to find happiness, as if you cannot be happy until you have met a standard. I'm not saying you should work on your personal development. When has there ever been a time when you checked a box off your list and did not replace it with a new block? Most of us have never done this.

All these prerequisites are creations of your mind. You can go about dating just fine without getting a new job first. When you're looking for a lifelong partner, you want to be with someone who will love you, whether you're 20 lbs lighter or weigh precisely what you do right now. 

Social Life

Maybe you have the romantic life you want, and that dream is well under control. Now you long for an exciting social life filled with fun, friends, and adventure. You want to get out of the house regularly and have that close circle of friends who pour into you. So why don't you?

Perhaps you haven't felt able to let go of the less fulfilling social relationships you have now. Maybe you spend all your energy on the belief that you're not exciting and no one would want to be your friend. Are these ideas helping or hurting you?

You might even give all your attention to relationships you've formed online or to what you view your faves posting on Instagram. Are these things part of your vision for your perfect social life, or are you trying to recreate what others post for likes and clicks?

Here's the thing about friendships, you get out what you put in. Now I'm not talking about putting yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. I'm talking about creating your boundaries around friendship, then getting out and meeting people.

Career

Perhaps your social life and partnership are just fine. Your goals now include an exciting and fulfilling career filled with a sense of accomplishment and pride. You want to make a significant difference in the world. You want to feel excited, passionate, and motivated.

But instead, you stay at a job you dislike to make ends meet. It's incredible how much power bills have over us when they're just little pieces of paper with a few numbers typed on them. So many of us use our bills as an excuse not to find a career we love. We devote our energy toward the belief that we can't do what we want to do because we have bills to pay.

Imagine for a moment what your life would look like if you spent your energy executing a plan to create a career that gave you everything you really wanted instead of focusing on bills. Where would you be five years from now if you did this? Where will you be five years from now if you keep doing what you have been doing?

How to Stop Stalling and Start Living

By now, you may have realized you are giving away your power to obstacles you've created. What do you do now?

First, determine what you're afraid of. Tell yourself you can have everything you want. Be specific about your goal. Then listen for a negative answer inside of yourself. Often, this will manifest as "But I can't… (I never, I won't, there's not enough…)." 

Once you know your buts, you can assess your fears. Thoughts like "the type of friends I want are out of my league" is telling your subconscious, "I'm not good enough." Instead of using your power to achieve your goals, you've been giving it to a false belief that you don't have what's needed to accomplish what you want.

Now that you have some key information to keep from giving your power away. Next time you think about how much you want to achieve your goals, listen closely to that voice that says, "But…." Then, use your power to tell yourself the truth. You are good enough. You are skinny enough. You are lovable (responsible, capable, motivated…). 

If you have trouble talking back to your negative thinking, there's no shame in enlisting professionals to help.

Here is a list of resources to support your mental and emotional health journey.

https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist (Australia)

 https://cpa.ca/public/findingapsychologist/ (Canada)

 https://www.bps.org.uk/public/find-psychologist (United Kingdom)

 https://locator.apa.org (United States)

 https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com (Various locations throughout the world)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1.800.273.8255

RAINN NETWORK: 1.800.656.HOPE RAINN

24-hour crisis chat feature: RAINN.org 

SAMHSA 24-hour crisis hotline: 1-800-985-5990 SAMHSA

Spanish language support: Text Hablamos to 66746

Ultimately, your goal is to use your power to benefit you, not tear yourself down. Even if you only take the steps above and never do anything else, you'll find yourself closer to reaching your goals than ever before. Give your power to the things that mean the most to you. A life spent in this manner brings fulfillment and success.