Warning: This post contains mention of S.A.

During the first seven or so years of our life, we soak up everything we hear, and our young brains believe it to be true. During these years, we develop our most powerful and often times most life-limiting beliefs that can stick with us for the rest of our lives.  The rest of our adolescent and teen years are spent with the adults enforcing the rules and beliefs they believe will serve us best.

All this information is held in our subconscious, and it's there to keep us safe. It's how we learn the stove is hot because it burned our hand, how we know to look both ways before crossing the street, and that strangers are dangerous because our parents drilled that home with us every single day.

However, some of these beliefs hold us back in life and keep us in a state of fear and ignorance. 

Take “stranger danger,” for example. "Stranger danger" is the idea or warning that all strangers can potentially be dangerous. It is an example of a moral panic that people experience regarding anyone they are unfamiliar with in society. The phrase is intended to encapsulate the danger associated with adults whom children do not know. The risk of teaching “stranger danger” is rarely unlearned.

A few years ago, The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children started warning parents to stop teaching the phrase because there are instances when their child may need help from a stranger.

Not to mention, nearly 7% of American adults suffer from social anxiety.

And if we had to tell the truth and shame the devil, the real predators for many of us were right inside of our own families. The cultural agreement - “Put some clothes on. There are grown men in the house.” protected family members who were sexual predators while sexualizing our innocence in childhood.

In adulthood, limiting beliefs show up in how we talk ourselves out of desires:

• "I can't do that because..."

• "I don't deserve that because..."

• "If I do this, something bad is going to happen..."

• "I can't do this because people will think..."

I'm sure some of those statements sound familiar. I know I've said them on more than one occasion. So what do we do now?  

Here are 10 questions we can ask ourselves that will help us dig deep into our subconscious and identify our limiting beliefs.

1. What belief has held you back the most? 

It might be hard to identify all your limiting beliefs, but I am sure you can pinpoint at least one belief that has held you back throughout your life.  It might not be obvious at the moment, but if you look back on the things you've done, you can usually identify it. Maybe you didn't apply for that job you wanted because you didn't believe you were "smart enough." Or that trip around the world you wanted to take never happened because you didn't think that was "responsible," and you went straight to college instead.  Maybe you missed out on spending the man that caught your eye a drink at the bar because you knew he was "out of your league."  

2.  Why do you believe this? 

Now that you've identified your biggest limiting belief ask yourself this question until you run out of answers. Maybe something happened to you when you were a kid. Maybe something happened to you last week. Maybe you've really never been told it's okay.  Write down every answer you come up with so you don't forget them.  

3.  What evidence proves your belief wrong? 

Most beliefs are just that, beliefs. Beliefs and facts are two very different things. Snow is cold. We know that because we can feel it. There's no debate about that fact. It can be measured.  The fact that you believe you aren't smart enough for that job is subjective and just your opinion. There's no way to prove it with 100% certainty. If you look hard enough, I'm sure you can find someone not as smart as you do exactly what you want to do. The only thing stopping you is your belief.  

4.  What have you missed out on in life because of your belief? 

Sticking to the job example, how different would your life be right now if you applied for that job? Your life would most likely be completely different. Even if you applied and didn't get it, you could've learned something valuable from the person interviewing you. If nothing else, you would've learned that it's okay to try and fail.  

5.  Is there any truth in your belief? 

Is there truth to your belief? Has something happened to you recently to reinforce the belief? Or is it something you've believed for as long as you can remember, and you don't really know why?  If you can't think of anything to confirm your belief that has happened within a year, it's time to reevaluate. And be sure not to put too much weight on the opinions of others.  They also hold limiting beliefs that they project on others.  

6.  Question its impact. 

What happens if you challenge your belief? Let's say you wake up one morning and tell yourself you're not going to let that belief control your decisions anymore. Does your life change for the better?  Do you allow yourself to do things that you've never done before? Do those things change your life for the better? Usually, the worst thing that can happen is that it puts you in a situation you can learn from. 

7.  What are you afraid of? 

What's the worst possible thing that could happen if you challenge your belief? How does this change your daily life? Most of our fears boil down to being rejected, humiliated, embarrassed, isolated, etc. It’s the stock we put into what others think. How much better would your life be if you learned to live life for your desires, not merely to be socially accepted? The real truth is that regardless of how much good you do in the world, someone somewhere will disagree with your behavior.

8.  How are you contributing? 

What are you doing regularly that contributes to your limiting belief? Are you reinforcing your negative emotions related to the belief? Are you letting the opinions of others influence what you believe? Are you avoiding doing things that would eliminate the belief? Write down all the ways you might contribute to the belief, so you can start changing those behaviors.

9.  What would you have to give up if you overcome this belief? 

What part of yourself would you lose if you gave up your belief? Would it be missed by you or the people around you? Would it make you a better person? Would it move your life in the right direction and create more opportunities? Sometimes our biggest fear is the fear of being more than we ever thought we were capable of. Make sure you aren't holding yourself back on purpose.

10.  What would you gain if you overcome this belief? 

How much better would your life be if you simply stopped believing in something keeping you from the things you desire? Think of the freedom you could gain. Think of how much happier you could be. Most success and happiness are on the other side of a negative belief. Make sure you aren't keeping yourself from getting there.

Ask yourself these questions whenever you find yourself thinking, "I can't," "I shouldn't," or "I don't deserve it." Make sure that thought is the reality and not just a limiting belief that's holding you back.

You can do this.